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19 Confessions from a Television Pseudo-Junkie

By DUFFIE HUFANA OSENTAL I’ve been watching television since before I could speak—one of my earliest memories is watching a televised broadcast of Star Wars, complete with commercials every five minutes. It was Episode Four, if you’re wondering. I know this because I remember that, for a fleeting moment, I thought a bun-haired Princess Leia [...]

The Gentle Art of Making Petiks

By ALICE SARMIENTO The term petiks was derived from “pipitik-pitik”. Directly translated, this means to snap one’s fingers, but in the more familiar territory of slacking off, it can be better understood as the “thumb twiddle”, a.k.a. that thing you do when you sit back and wait for something to happen. Which is highly unlikely [...]

The Economic and Psychosocial Merits of Working Seven Minutes Away From Home (And Why We Measure Distance in Units of Time)

By BOBBIE STA. MARIA Faulty title, minutes do not measure distance. But we get what I mean: How far is the airport from your house? One hour. How far is Cebu from Manila? One hour. Distance is only as relevant as the time it takes to get us there. I hope that appeases our intellectual [...]

When the Workplace is Full of Teacup Humans

By NICE BUENAVENTURA In case True Blood has not reached where you live (under a rock), teacup human means small human or child. In season one, it was said that children’s blood tastes best, followed by virgins’. I doubt that. If children’s blood had a taste, it would be like sparkling water to the fizz [...]

Less Is More, Don’t You Think?

Intimacy and Back in Six-Word Stories Words By MIGS MARFORI Illustrations By REGINA BAUTISTA The intro to “Not Quite What I Was Planning,” Smith Magazine’s collection of Six-Word Memoirs tells of the legend that Ernest Hemingway was once challenged to write a story using just six words. He came up with: “For Sale: baby shoes, [...]

Once Upon a Dreary Afternoon

By HANNA KRISHNA S. CALLORA Had he not made the first move, she wouldn’t have spoken to him. She was this quiet little thing who was afraid of everything – people, clowns, heights, monsters under the bed – until that fateful day when he came along. He was just as tiny. Every time he wanted [...]

Workplace Wushu for Beginners, pt. 1

Illustrations by BUNNY LUZ Words by PAOLO JOSE CRUZ Swipe that ID. Log in to the system. Harness your chi. Enter the arena. For those of us who aren’t blessed with a trust fund, mad freelancing skillz, or a sustainable “funemployment” plan, the average workday can sometimes feel like a merciless bloodsport tournament. Like competitive martial [...]

2020: Yet Another Grim Dating Year

Words by DAVID LOUGHRAN Illustrations by PAULINA ORTEGA DISCUSSED: Why gays who stereotype are usually single, A discouraging decade In 2020 I will be, gasp…33 years old. At age 33 I will no longer be deemed cute (let’s be hypothetical and pretend I am now), and so I will have to triple efforts at dating. [...]

Swimming

By REGINA BAUTISTA

Cordillera Day

By MARIA LORENA CLETO I have always had a thing for fields. Wide open spaces – they represent freedom. I want to have a field, somewhere I can go anytime I feel like lying down in wild grass. But I want my field to be dotted with trees, here and there. I like climbing trees. I like climbing. [...]

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This issue of New Slang is about the maintenance of images, whether these are images of people, places, or ideas. Interested? Read on...

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