By MIGS MARFORI

DISCUSSED: Childhood brawls, maturity, and how even not fighting is fighting

I remember my first fight as if it were yesterday. I was a prep student at Don Bosco Makati, attending the afternoon class. We’d just been dismissed, and several of us were just roughhousing on top of what were supposed to be our lunch tables. Out of nowhere, this skinny guy said the most evil of Filipino curses to me: “Putang ina mo. (Your mother’s a whore.)” My nostrils flared, and I shoved him with all the strength my 6 year-old arms could muster. As soon as he was on his back, I jumped on him, grabbed him by the collar and started screaming “Bawiin mo ang sinabi mo! (Take back what you said!)” at him over and over, until a teacher noticed the commotion and pulled us apart.

In the fifth grade, my first major crush was also a family friend. One day, I cut her face out of a 3R picture we had lying around the house, and slipped it inside my velcro Batman the Animated Series wallet. I showed a friend of mine the picture one afternoon and said “Ang ganda niya, ‘di ba? (Isn’t she beautiful?)” He stared at the photo for a few seconds, looked me dead in the eye and said “Nahalikan ko na ‘yan e. (I’ve kissed her.)” Being the jealous 10 year-old that I was, I again resorted to angry shoving, only to have what could have been a serious fight halted by the guy’s older brother. Thankfully, this brother was familiar enough with his younger sibling’s antics so he had the decency not to beat the living daylights out of me.

In recent years, I’ve fought for my right as a consumer. When a manager at KFC insinuated I was stupid for asking for what he heard was a barrel of 11 pieces of chicken (barrels come with 21 pieces), I told him that the customer is always right and that he’d better change his attitude if he didn’t want to work there forever. I’ve fought for my right as a paying moviegoer, shushing those who talk too loud and staring down those who repeatedly kick the back of my seat. For every instance I’ve refused to stand down, however, there’s also been a moment when I chose to remain silent. For a while that bothered me, because I thought I’d become a coward.

In the aftermath of my nearly 3-year relationship, my ex’s “close friend” in the office had gone on to become her boyfriend. Now, “It’s a small world” is an expression people toss around quite often, but I found out just how small the world is one night, when my ex’s beau turned out to be a good friend of the girl I was currently dating, one of several friends she was anxious to introduce me to. After a few awkward minutes, we engaged in small talk and even had a picture taken together. I could have chosen to snap, go Al Pacino on him (“This is such a crock of shit!!!), or at the very least asked him man-to-man if there was an overlap, but I didn’t bother. I let it slide because I had no intention or desire to win my ex back. There was just no point to it, and without one, fighting in Greenbelt just didn’t seem worth the effort and the potential jail time.

Hulk smash ex's boyfriend!

Thinking about it now, Father Time is a reason why I’ve discovered the pacifist in me in recent years. As I’ve gotten old(er), I’ve seen myself and the people around me mature. The opportunities for me to go postal have also dwindled, and I’ve found myself being choosier about when, where and why I let out steam. Like Michael Corleone in The Godfather, I just go about my business, and when someone crosses me I ask myself why he or she did it. Was it done on purpose, and was it justified? Maybe it was just a miscommunication. Surprisingly, the rough-and-tumble, crazy world of advertising was also instrumental in teaching me patience and restraint.

I'm just gonna keep this blank look on my face so you won't know what I'm thinking

After 5 years in that world that’s often falsely depicted in movies and TV shows, I’ve learned to pick my battles. I get paid to put my feet up on my desk, look my art director in the eye, and find all sorts of solutions to so many different problems. It’s a job that keeps me asking the question “What if?” Now, you might be thinking that in such a dynamic environment I’d be surrounded by people who have open minds and that as part of the “creative department” I do nothing but churn out really interesting things. For the most part that’s true, but occasionally I have to deal with people who I really just don’t see eye to eye with.

I realize now that backing down occasionally wasn’t a sign of cowardice, but one of wisdom and discernment. In my old office we jokingly discussed the difference between what most agencies call “the big idea” and a “bigay-dea,” bigay meaning to give. When I’m creating a potentially award-winning ad I fight for the idea to the death. When I’m writing a script for a radio DJ who has to plug my client’s product I don’t bother getting worked up over how beautiful my original script was and now I can no longer call it mine because of all the revisions the client asked me to make.

This is what my life is like

There’s another way of looking at these developments, which is the stand I’m taking towards who I am now. You could say I still am a fighter. That when I back down from an argument I know I can’t win I’m fighting for my pride, and I win because I refuse to even justify the need for an argument by being part of it. When I chose not to go all Incredible Hulk on my ex’s boyfriend, I was defending my decision to not try and win her back. At the same time I guess I was also protecting my physical well-being.

As I anticipate my turning 26 in October, my only birthday wish is to continue to have the strength to keep fighting for all the things and people worth fighting for in my life. My vow is to try and maintain a firm resolve to stop fighting for those that aren’t. And finally, I am hoping for the wisdom to to be able to tell them apart.

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Migs is 25 years old, and spends most of his days as a copywriter at an ad agency. Like your typical agency creative, he collects toys and comics, and watches too many movies and TV shows. He believes in true love, coffee, beer, and the Force.